Individual Vs. Collective
I read a blog today that referred to writing as a brain dump. This resonates with me so much. I write to get rid of the noise in my head. So so much noise. My mind swirls around like a crazy out of control tornado that keeps picking up new thoughts as it goes, and sucks them into the spin until I can’t really identify one thought from the other. It all just feels like a swirling black mess. I can’t separate or categorize my thoughts until they are out of my head and onto the page. Once they are in front of me in black and white I can start to sort through them, identify what I am feeling, and only then can I come up with a plan on what I need to deal with first and how to move forward. This is how I work. This is who I am. I used to get so frustrated with myself for this, but now I accept it as a special talent because I realize that I am not the only brain tornado out there.
This week’s tornado has come in part from thinking about my family and my role within it. I have spent so long thinking about how to make everyone else’s life harmonious and stress free that I have not thought about myself except in the collective sense. In the collective sense I mean as part of the family unit. Such as how can I position myself in a job so that I can maximize my monetary income to be able to support my family and still be able to be a caring and effective parent. Obviously I am part of this family, so I am in a sense taking myself into consideration, but I am not starting from the perspective of what do I need and how can I fit everything else into that framework. The end result of this collective thinking is that I end up feeling unsatisfied, irrelevant, disregarded. It is only now that I started writing am I able to understand that this is what I have been doing. It needs to change. I need to balance collective responsibility vs. individual responsibility.
We all have collective responsibility. As a society there are cultural, social, and legal expectations that need to be met to be able to function together. As quoted by John Stuart Mill “the right to swing my arms ends where your nose begins”. So in any society there are considerations that are necessary in order not to harm another. Individual responsibility is recognizing that in order to be a productive part of society, you must consider your needs and desires and ensure that your decisions are in line with your inner compass. When one dismisses their individual responsibility and focuses on everyone else’s needs they tend to direct frustration outward and thereby actually cause harm to the others they were trying to protect. Dismissing the collective for individual needs can bring harm to oneself by separating yourself from external support and this in itself will cause harm to the collective because we all have a need to be connected to each other. We cannot separate ourselves from others without causing pain in both directions.
So this week I am thinking about how this topic of responsibility relates to COVID-19. Collective responsibility vs. individual responsibility. In relation to the Corona virus the individual responsibility perspective of the people who want to go back to work, versus the collective responsibility perspective of all the people who are proposing that staying home is the only responsible thing to do. The collective responsibility of ensuring you do not hit someone else’s nose, but the individual responsibility of being able to, and necessary to swing your arms.
The argument for getting back to work focuses on individual responsibility and basically being individual freedoms and desires (the right to swing arms) are being suppressed at the expense of others. The collective responsibility argument is that going out in public is hitting others on the nose, and disregarding the safety of others in order to satisfy personal needs. The key here is that we must find the middle path.
In Budist principles, the middle path is the way between two extremes. This is the way or path that describes most thinking, but still honors the duality. There has to be a way forward that honors both the individual and the collective. At the same time we must recognize that both responsibilities exist. One cannot stick entirely to the collective without harming the individual and one cannot stick entirely to the individual without harming the collective. To move forward with each other and honor each other is the only way.
The middle path is the best perspective in pandemics and personal relationships. It is important to separate one’s own needs from the belief of what others needs are. I think as women and particularly as mothers we are used to setting aside our individual needs for the collective, thinking this is what is needed. That by doing so we can keep the system going with no bumps, no cracks, just smooth sailing. All the while our inner voice is screaming to be heard. It is telling us that we have a right to swing away. To take up space. To matter. At some point we realize that the only way forward is to accept that a duality exists even within us. That by catering to the collective we harm ourselves internally.
At the same time I was considering this middle path concept in regards to my role in my family and by extension to society a friend of mine sent me a video link of a physician that was proposing just that in dealing with the crisis. Dr. David Katz has a conversation with talk show host Bill Maher, and for practical solutions I would highly recommend watching it. But for me here, I am not proposing solutions necessarily but just a shift in perspective. Nothing is black and white, or at least it does not have to be.
When we truly understand the middle path we can understand that there is no shame in choosing this path. It is neither selfish nor self indulgent to factor in one’s own needs. The Buddist priest Nichiren encouraged individuals to perceive the inherent dignity of all life- their own and others’. He proposed that this should be the guiding principle for how all life’s decisions are made. Once we identify that the middle path exists, and is the only way, can we identify and hold sacred to the pieces of ourselves that we have silenced, and to summon the transformative strength needed to create true harmony both within and without.
